*Phone rings*
Me: Hello?
Caller: *No response, call center-type background noise*
Me: Hello?
Caller: Hello? Yes, my name is John, I am calling from Microsoft Corporations Tech Support. We are currently receiving a continouos stream of notifications of a Blue Bug Virus from your PC over a worldwide Microsoft Support Server. I have called to help you rectify this.
Me: Okay? How do you know what computer I have?
John: Sir, we are receiving notifications from your PC. Is your PC switched on right now? Do you have it with you?
Me: Um.. It's not switched on. Where did you my number from?
John: Sir, Microsoft is the number one IT technology coorporation with millions of customers and we have customer logs.
Me: I am very well aware of Microsofts popularity, but it does not give them the right to gather my phone number without my consent. This telephone number is merely a few months old and has nothing to do with my PC, as I have never written it down anywhere.
John: Sir, this virus is very serious and is infecting other Windows users from your PC.
Me: If you know this much about my PC and also my home phone number, you probably also know what operating system I have on my computer?
John: Sir.. I do not not know what operating system you have.
Me: Okay. But as mentioned, you seem to know quite alot of what's going on on my PC, and you have my home phone number. Do you know what my name is?
John (in a very frustrated tone): Sir.. No.. I do not know your name. I have called to help you rectify the serious virus that has infected your computer
Me: You still haven't given me a proper explanation where you got this number from.
We continue back and forth with this discussion for a few minutes, but I cannot get a proper answer.
John: Sir, I am a qualified support technician from Microsoft Coorporation of Cardinal Place 80-100 Victoria Street, London. I have a degree in my field and I can assure you I have called to help..
Me: That sounds smashing, my telephone number has nothing to do with my PC so I'm not very convinced. You know everything about my computer but wont answer me where you got my number from and you don't even know my name. Do you have a telephone number I could contact you on?
John: Sir, if you have any problems with me, I can put you through to a superior tech support technician. I haven't worked here for too long and a superior support person will be happy to help you if you have any problems with me. And of course, our telephone number is 0208 099 1655.
Me: Okay, please put me through to your supervisor.
John: Sorry?
Me: *sigh* You just said that if I have any problems with you, you can put me through to your supervisor.
John: Sir, what I said was, if you have any problems with me I can transfer the line to a superior technical support person.
Me: Okay, so please do that.
John: Sir, I am going to alert a superior technical support agent to take over the line.
Me: Thank you.
*Silence as I am put on hold*
John: Hello?
Me: Yes, hello?
John: I am sorry, but all superior tech support agents are occupied on other calls fixing other computers. I will help you rectify this issue. Is your PC switched on?
At this point, I decide to play along to see what he wants me to do.
Me: Okay, my PC is on now.
John: Perfect, now open the Start menu and right click My Computer or Computer and then Manage. Do you see Event history here?
Me: Okay, my computer is not in English, but I'll try to my best to find it, I'll need to translate it in my head. One second please. Oh, yeah, I found manage, but not Event History.
John: Can you change the language of your PC into English?
Me: Really? Shouldn't a qualified person like yourself know that this is not very easily done?
John: Sir, I have a degree and I am qualified to help customers get rid of viruses.
Me: Very well then, why don't you help me change the language of my computer?
John (very rudely): Sir, if you were able to find Manage, then your computer must be in English!
Me: What? As I just said, I translated the word Manage into the language in which my PC is, and opened the one that was appropriate.
John (even more rude): Sir, you are a liar. I do not believe your computer is in another language. You found the menu I wanted you to open!
Me: Are you seriously calling me a liar straight to my face?! I speak more than one language, my computer happens to be in another langauge and I need to translate the things you want me to open before I can do so!
John: How could you open that menu if you don't speak English?
Me: I don't speak English?! Which language do you suggest we're speaking now then?! Did you really call me a liar?!
John (not very convincingly): I am sorry, sir. That was wrong of me.
Me: Right. You don't know my name, you don't know what operating system I have and you seem to know very much about computers.
By now, Sandra had found Microsofts own web page about these hoax calls. When I confronted "John" with this, he repeated that he has a degree and that he wants to help me. By now I knew I wouldn't come any longer without compromising my privacy, so I decided to end the call with saying I don't have time right now but that I'll call back later. I contacted Microsoft's customer support and local authorities so they could log the incident. None were very surprised about my call. Sandra said that at one point I held the receiver so hard while half screaming to the guy on the other end that my fingers whitened.
Me: Hello?
Caller: *No response, call center-type background noise*
Me: Hello?
Caller: Hello? Yes, my name is John, I am calling from Microsoft Corporations Tech Support. We are currently receiving a continouos stream of notifications of a Blue Bug Virus from your PC over a worldwide Microsoft Support Server. I have called to help you rectify this.
Me: Okay? How do you know what computer I have?
John: Sir, we are receiving notifications from your PC. Is your PC switched on right now? Do you have it with you?
Me: Um.. It's not switched on. Where did you my number from?
John: Sir, Microsoft is the number one IT technology coorporation with millions of customers and we have customer logs.
Me: I am very well aware of Microsofts popularity, but it does not give them the right to gather my phone number without my consent. This telephone number is merely a few months old and has nothing to do with my PC, as I have never written it down anywhere.
John: Sir, this virus is very serious and is infecting other Windows users from your PC.
Me: If you know this much about my PC and also my home phone number, you probably also know what operating system I have on my computer?
John: Sir.. I do not not know what operating system you have.
Me: Okay. But as mentioned, you seem to know quite alot of what's going on on my PC, and you have my home phone number. Do you know what my name is?
John (in a very frustrated tone): Sir.. No.. I do not know your name. I have called to help you rectify the serious virus that has infected your computer
Me: You still haven't given me a proper explanation where you got this number from.
We continue back and forth with this discussion for a few minutes, but I cannot get a proper answer.
John: Sir, I am a qualified support technician from Microsoft Coorporation of Cardinal Place 80-100 Victoria Street, London. I have a degree in my field and I can assure you I have called to help..
Me: That sounds smashing, my telephone number has nothing to do with my PC so I'm not very convinced. You know everything about my computer but wont answer me where you got my number from and you don't even know my name. Do you have a telephone number I could contact you on?
John: Sir, if you have any problems with me, I can put you through to a superior tech support technician. I haven't worked here for too long and a superior support person will be happy to help you if you have any problems with me. And of course, our telephone number is 0208 099 1655.
Me: Okay, please put me through to your supervisor.
John: Sorry?
Me: *sigh* You just said that if I have any problems with you, you can put me through to your supervisor.
John: Sir, what I said was, if you have any problems with me I can transfer the line to a superior technical support person.
Me: Okay, so please do that.
John: Sir, I am going to alert a superior technical support agent to take over the line.
Me: Thank you.
*Silence as I am put on hold*
John: Hello?
Me: Yes, hello?
John: I am sorry, but all superior tech support agents are occupied on other calls fixing other computers. I will help you rectify this issue. Is your PC switched on?
At this point, I decide to play along to see what he wants me to do.
Me: Okay, my PC is on now.
John: Perfect, now open the Start menu and right click My Computer or Computer and then Manage. Do you see Event history here?
Me: Okay, my computer is not in English, but I'll try to my best to find it, I'll need to translate it in my head. One second please. Oh, yeah, I found manage, but not Event History.
John: Can you change the language of your PC into English?
Me: Really? Shouldn't a qualified person like yourself know that this is not very easily done?
John: Sir, I have a degree and I am qualified to help customers get rid of viruses.
Me: Very well then, why don't you help me change the language of my computer?
John (very rudely): Sir, if you were able to find Manage, then your computer must be in English!
Me: What? As I just said, I translated the word Manage into the language in which my PC is, and opened the one that was appropriate.
John (even more rude): Sir, you are a liar. I do not believe your computer is in another language. You found the menu I wanted you to open!
Me: Are you seriously calling me a liar straight to my face?! I speak more than one language, my computer happens to be in another langauge and I need to translate the things you want me to open before I can do so!
John: How could you open that menu if you don't speak English?
Me: I don't speak English?! Which language do you suggest we're speaking now then?! Did you really call me a liar?!
John (not very convincingly): I am sorry, sir. That was wrong of me.
Me: Right. You don't know my name, you don't know what operating system I have and you seem to know very much about computers.
By now, Sandra had found Microsofts own web page about these hoax calls. When I confronted "John" with this, he repeated that he has a degree and that he wants to help me. By now I knew I wouldn't come any longer without compromising my privacy, so I decided to end the call with saying I don't have time right now but that I'll call back later. I contacted Microsoft's customer support and local authorities so they could log the incident. None were very surprised about my call. Sandra said that at one point I held the receiver so hard while half screaming to the guy on the other end that my fingers whitened.
